How do you do it?

I get asked that question so often and my reply is always simply that I just have to! When you love your child as much as we do, you do whatever it takes for them!

Now don't let me fool you, it's unbelievably HARD! I started thinking yesterday that I don't even feel like a person anymore, I'm just "Layne's Mom". I don't think people truly understand this unless they are in the same situation. Let me tell you what I do all day....

Layne wakes up at about 6:30 or 7, so of course I'm up too.(Joshua is already up getting ready for work at this time.) Keep in mind that Layne does not sleep through the night, he is waking up 3 to 4 times.

We get out of bed, I undress Layne and change him and then take him downstairs. Then I unhook his pump, flush the tube and weigh him. Then I get him dressed.

From there I sit on the couch with him and watch TV, until about 8:45 when it's time to start getting his morning feed ready. After he gets fed he usually takes a nap. This is where I attempt to take a shower and get ready...I say attempt because he is usually screaming by the time I get out of the shower!

From then on it's pretty much sit on the couch and watch TV while holding Layne or get on the computer. I try throughout the day to put Layne down and straighten up the house a little and do a little therapy with him. Then when Joshua comes home and gets done with his shower I make something to eat and clean. I literally have zero time for myself(Same goes for Joshua because he works all day and comes home and holds Layne.)

Now some people may think that is fun just sitting around all day, but when you have done it for as long as I have it's not!! I get excited everyday when it's time for us to take the very short walk to the mailbox, haha!

We have truly devoted our lives to caring for Layne, and that's something that isn't easy. But I would have to say the absolute hardest part of caring for a child like Layne isn't the actual care, it's the sadness you feel that your child will never live a "normal" life. I mean I got to thinking yesterday that Layne will never get to wear underwear. It's just small things like that there are sad. It's HARD and a daily struggle. I even dream things like that Layne is talking or walking or throwing a fit! When I wake up to realize it was only a dream I am crushed.

It's also very easy to feel forgotten when you have a child like Layne. Eventually the calls to see how he is stop. But I was thinking, Layne isn't actually "sick" he is disabled and will be for his entire life, so I expect that the care and concern and people checking in will eventually fade away until it just doesn't happen anymore. To the world Layne is just another "mentally challenged kid." It's sad but true.

I am sad for Layne, but I am also so glad to have been given such a precious gift from God. A gift that some couldn't accept. A gift that has taught me more about life than anyone could have ever taught me. WE LOVE YOU LAYNE! YOU ARE A PRECIOUS ANGEL!